Social anxiety really sucks. It prevents you from hanging out with your classmates, being around family, meeting new people, feeling confident, making friends, not being socially awkward, speaking out, being heard. It makes you feel like crap.
You feel all alone; not knowing you to talk to, who will understand the loneliness you feel inside. A whole is literally inside you. In class/work you see all those people talking and laughing with one another, and you always say to yourself,
‘I wish I was them’
Everyday is a tortue as a high school girl. Despite having the same routine: walk to school, get to class, etc. It was something I had to think of the night before, preparing myself on how tomorrow may occur so I was prepared. Now you may be thinking prepared for what? Well it was preparing me from embarrassment.
Social anxiety is not only about being scared of being around others, it’s also about thinking of the worst outcome, you mind is so panicked of any possible embarrassments, like tripping while walking, walking into the class late, everyone staring at you.
To most people these things are nothing to even worry about. It’s so little and harmless. But to me it’s 100 times horrific. My heart starts beating fast, Palm becoming sweaty, lungs getting tighter. Just thinking about it terrifies me; but I have to, to survive from complete embarrassment, to survive from the voice in my head.
So this blog is about how I stay hidden behind the mask I wear, everyday, inside my house and out in the open. A true life story of how life is struggling.
But… I believes after every hardship comes ease.
So I’ll be writing my journey on discovering my happy ending, on fighting the devil in my head and becoming happy after struggling for many years now.
r0se007 